Comedy Nights With Kapil 19th July 2014, Colors with Irfan and Yusuf Pathan – Written Update

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Comedy Nights With Kapil - Irfan and Yusuf Pathan Episode 94

Guest on the show: Cricketers and Stars – Irfan and Yusuf Pathan

Kapil starts the show and speaks that there was some news recently that Maria Sharapova doesn’t know Cricket legend Sachin Tendulkar. He then suggests that people in India now knows who is Maria Sharapova and furthermore many boys in India know her but they don’t know what sport she plays and only know her by her physical appearance and all seems to be spoken in light-hearted manner. He speaks of different games which children used to play like Lukka Chippi, Kho Kho, Doctor Doctor.. and the children were very creative at that time. He speaks of Desi Golf which is Kancha and Goti. Siddhu speaks of seeing Kapil paaji playing it. Kapil thinks that golf is a lazy game as you hit your shot after taking lot of time and then go to search for the ball by going into a jeep.

Kapil then speaks about the difference in games played in city vs. villages. He speaks of changing dress by taking the cover of Buffalo and in cities children are taught Swimming because they are preparing for the olympics while in villages the children learn swimming to help themselves when there are floods in the village. Kapil introduces Pathan brothers as the one who is a fast elegant bowler and the other being a hard hitting batsman and welcomes Yusuf and Irfan Pathan on the stage. They come on Chak De India title movie song. Kapil congratulates Yusuf for becoming a father recently in April. Kapil asks Yusuf when he learnt about his abilities to become a batsman. Yusuf replies that after seeing Irfan bowling then he become a batsman. Irfan speaks that Yusuf bhai doesn’t use to listen to him after getting out many times. Kapil asks that their case are different since one brother is a batsman and other is a bowler. Irfan speaks of playing and then use to stay at Mosque and didn’t thought much about bowling or batsman.

Kapil asks why Yusuf bhai becomes a bit angry and not relaxed at the field and goes after hitting the bowlers. Irfan speaks that Yusuf bhai spends more time with animals than humans and also talk with them a lot. Kapil also speaks of his love for Dogs, and Yusuf speaks of having parrot and whenever he is in stress he goes and talk with them and feel relax. Kapil speaks that Irfan is the only bowler who took a hat trick in the first over of his debut match.. Irfan speaks that during the series there were fights  and in that match he was under pressure to perform as well and his aim was to get wickets. The ball was swinging and he got three wickets on the trot. Kapil asks whether the brothers used to fight for small things. Irfan speaks that if there were things then they would have fought and cites that they don’t have things at their end. Irfan speaks of getting encouragement from his parents and even his father used to work at two places at factory and mosque. Kapil speaks that with courage and heart then God listens to them. Siddhu speaks that even a boat stuck in floods at sea with mere courage and dedication will come home with support from God. He congratulates them for bringing fame to their parents.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Irfan and Yusuf Pathan

Kapil speaks that both brothers are allrounders and who is regarded as the best allrounder between them according to his father. Irfan replies that his father is diplomatic while his sister prefers Yusuf and his mother show signs of favoring him instead of Yusuf. Kapil asks Yusuf whether he feels rivalry with Irfan when they play on opposite sides. Yusuf speaks about having such rivalry in IPL and Irfan speaks of taking the catch of Yusuf and wish at that time some other person takes the catch instead of him but finally he gets the catch and saw Yusuf red-faced and angry at him. In last year IPL, Irfan appealed for the wicket of Yusuf even though he didn’t snick the ball, and after that event Yusuf after taking a run wanted Irfan to take his bat and make him out in that way. Kapil speaks of sportsmanship between the brothers and also speaks that Yusuf is shy and will also not ask the umpire if he is given out without any of his fault. Irfan speaks that he is being forced to go with Yusuf at places like visiting and seeing animals like goats. Moreover if they shared the room during their tour then he faces much problems as Yusuf only watches Animal Planet on TV bringing laughter. He speaks that his sister-in law also has to see the same Animal Planet because of her husband. Yusuf speaks that the benefit of plantation like flowers and fruits are taken by Irfan. Irfan replies that he is just fulfilling his right in consuming them bringing laughter. Kapil asks Yusuf on Irfan’s traits which he likes a lot as being forced to do so, Yusuf replies that Irfan speaks a lot because of which he also needs to speak and listen as well. Yusuf also adds that he likes all the things of Irfan and calls him as Nadaan. Siddhu thinks that Irfan will become a commentator and Kapil makes a taunt at Siddhu that he used to not talk before but now a well known commentator.

Mrs. Sharma comes there and informs him that she came from her father’s home. Bittu speaks of doing hard work and asks her how come her lips are getting wider though he works a lot. Manju speaks that Vikas Khanna has called her Butter Naan and Bittu makes a taunt at her and speaks that her brother used to steal Naan breads from marriage and then puts inside his shirt and run and butter was actually the sweat. Bittu makes another taunt on the naming of double Roti as just folding the Roti. They continue to have petty fights in front of Irfan and Pathan and he thinks that they don’t want to talk with her. She asks Irfan how does he reverse swing the ball ? Bittu calls her as fast bowler martin crowe as she is asking such questions. She informs him of asking that question to break some one’s face. Irfan speaks that he will teach her the bouncer which will directly attack the head.  She calls Yusuf a dangerous batsman, and Bittu says whether he bats with a knife. She then asks Yusuf about bowler’s feeling low after he hits sixes on their bowling. Irfan replies that he has played IPL for last 7 years and Yusuf haven’t hit him for a six but on the contrary he has hit Yusuf for a six on his bowling bringing applause. Bittu asks Manju to ask some personal questions to them instead of sports related questions. She speaks about her fondness towards both brothers after seeing their love and respect. Bittu steps in and suggests that she has three sisters, one of them is bald from middle, other sister makes some dippers and have eyesight issues and finally the third sister is actually a brother but roams around like a sister. Bittu suggests that he spoke about the goodness of her sisters and will now speak on the bad part of them. Manju leaves from there.

Kapil asks Irfan whether he takes his father on his tours abroad and at national level tours like Ranji championship. Irfan speaks of taking his father to Ranji matches right from the age of 15 when they started playing at that level and later he took him to matches abroad during the tours of England, South Africa, Pakistan, etc. He speaks of his father being excited to travel with him and also there are fun anecdotes about those visits. He speaks of his first experience of going to Pakistan during the start of his career and during that time India has lost to Pakistan and to create mind games Javed Miandad has given a statement that Irfan kind of bowlers can be found in many streets in Pakistan. Irfan’s father advised him to not speak with Javed Miandad who was the coach of Pakistan’s cricket team at that time. India has won both test and one day series there and Irfan’s father later met Javed Miandad and after seeing his father he quickly spoke of not giving any statement about his son Irfan. Kapil asks about the event with Shahid Afridi in 2008. Irfan speaks that he was staying at the same hotel with Afridi and he came down to meet his father and wanted him to prepare for his son’s marriage so things will be fine. Irfan’s father replied to Afridi and asks him whether he became much better after the marriage bringing laughter.

Irfan calls Yusuf as the cow of the God and the one who is very naive and innocent. He shares an anecdote about Yuvraj Singh as Kapil was indirectly suggesting him to share about his experience with his former colleagues and friends specially Yuvraj or Bhajji. He speaks that Yuvraj once was interested in one girl in Mumbai and Kapil asks only 1 bringing smiles. Irfan speaks of gossiping and Yuvi told him of getting the number of that girl. Irfan left and called him with a new mobile no but Yuvi didn’t take his call and then he disguised himself as that girl and sent Yuvi a message. Yuvi then called him the next moment and starts speaking how is she ? Irfan on the other end revealed his identity and informs him that is he and not she. bringing laughter. Kapil thinks that like this secrets will be revealed. He now opens the floor to the audience. The audience man Anuj Srivastsav from Delhi speaks of forfeiting his tobacco just to come on his show. He speaks of being a fan of Irfan and also Yusuf and suggests that Irfan is of Bindass attitude and wants him to help his brother in removing his shyness and making him open up. He then wants Irfan to sing two lines of a song and then Yusuf will repeat the same.

Irfan speaks that Yusuf has never sang a song before and takes a promise from that man to not eat tobacco from now on. Irfan then sings the song Gulabi Aankhen Jo Teri Dekhi Sharaabi Yeh Dil Ho Gaya.. Yusuf couldn’t sing the line and only sang the first part. The audience man Anuj wants to propose a song – Mere Mehboob Qayamat Hogi from the movie Mr. X in Bombay (sung by Kishore Kumar) and then Kapil sings the song heeding to your request and sings the song with much finesse and perfection. Kapil asks Anuj about his family and learns that his family is sitting in front of him and not with him. Kapil thanks him and a young audience man asks a question to Yusuf that his favorite actor is Shah Rukh Khan and wants him to present a dialogue from SRK’s movie. The audience chants Yusuf  and kapil informs that the audience normally pulls the leg of the person who is simple. The audience man then wants to dance with Yusuf on the SRK’s song. He then comes and dances with Yusuf on Lungi dance, and Yusuf who is normally shy also dances with him and gives him company and even gives a SRK’s signature pose before the dance. Kapil asks the audience man why was he stopping after a dance step. A young audience boy wants the Pathan brothers to test Kapil’s cricket knowledge. The young boy first asks Kapil where does the fine leg player stands on the pitch. Kapil couldn’t answer. Irfan shows  a scenario of the batsman and the bowler and asks Kapil where the ball has gone to the fine leg. Kapil replies that if the girls are there then he will know the fine leg and also suggests that as he is standing on his legs and is also fine thus fine leg.

Siddhu asks Kapil what is Silly point ? And he replies tell you later. Irfan proposes the last question, what is called when a batsman runs even though he misses the ball from the bowler. Kapil replies and gives a humorous answer – Pagalpanti bringing smiles and that event in Cricket is actually a bye. Kapil then introduces the audience to his mother who is visiting him at the sets and informs her that he has been teased on his cricket knowledge only today. Sooner, Daadi comes there and speaks that she has seen Irfan when he was a baby and couldn’t walk and didn’t have even teeth. She asks them whether they remember and cites that they were very small. Irfan requests Daadi to kiss Yusuf and she speaks that Irfan is clean shaven and wants her to kiss his elder brother. She speaks of being an allrounder when she was young and also run at the olympics with the torch. Kapil informs that it is true and Daadi was caught by police for selling off the Olympics torch. Irfan asks her whether she plays Cricket and gets  a reply of her playing Cricket in her neighborhood. Bittu makes a taunt at Daadi’s words of playing good cricket. She wants them to open up and then calls the youngest player of her academy Chaddi. Chaddha comes there and she speaks that Chadda is the youngest player and the people always expect that he will make wonders. After seeing Bittu’s taunt towards Chaddha (suggesting him to generate electricity as he shakes a lot), she asks him that he haven’t gave her a great grandson from Bittu so how could he make a taunt.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Irfan, Yusuf, Kapil in fun chat about Cricket

Chaddha wants to speak with Yusuf and Irfan Pathan and speaks that many years ago he used to play sports with their father and he used to enjoy it a lot. Bittu informs him that their father never played Cricket then Chaddha informs that he was speaking about playing game of snakes and spiders (Saanp-Seedhi). She calls Chaddha as Chaddi and suggests that when throwing the dice he will shake his body like the one in current form automatically. Bittu asks whether he has played any physical game. Chadda replies on doing gymnastics where he used to swing in air without touching ground with 720 degrees angle. Kapil speaks that he is lying since one full circle amounts to 360 deg so how come 720 ? Chadda replies that he used to do the swing twice thus 720 deg and suggests that when somebody throws you in the air then it will be 720 deg. He speaks of having a hand bout and shows his confidence in defeating anybody. Siddhu suggests him to have a fight with Yusuf for the hand bout. Chaddha becomes worried and as his usual trick creates a telephone ring sound and wants to leave from there citing that he has to receive the call. Bittu tries to stop and wants him to have a hand bout and even Daadi tries to persuade but in vain. Daadi then calls the best student of her academy and calls Pankudi who comes on stage and plays Garba dance.

Daadi suggests that she is teaching Pankhudi how to play with Lathis and then Pankhudi plays with Garba sticks and use them as attack and defense sticks in respective hands. Soon, she greets and welcomes Yusuf and Irfan and wants to give a warning to them. When Bittu makes a taunt at her excessive saliva and spits at people, she informs them on many benefits of her saliva, and suggests about her experience of working at a bank where the cashier use to count the currency notes with her saliva and putting hands in her mouth bringing laughter. She speaks that the amount of money she earned using her tongue is much higher than the total income of Bittu’s family. She then calls that amount to be 500 INR/day bringing more smiles. Daadi asks her why she left the job, Bittu replies that since she has so much saliva thus the currency notes might have got stuck and broken hence she was fired. Pankhudi informs them that cricketer Shane Watson wanted her tongue on rent since he is an expensive player and will not use his own tongue for it but she declined thinking that Shane is a foreigner and why she should offer renting her tongue to him and shows her patriotism for the country in doing so.

Bittu asks Daadi in which sports Pankhudi can excel. Pankhudi at her end replies that she is good in Kho-Kho and bittu makes a taunt that she is just cleaning her mouth instead of the Kho-Kho game. She then speaks a dialogue – Naach Na Aaye Angan Tedha (If you don’t know how to dance then the floor is not straight and aligned) and asks him whether he knows Tedha (not straight, irregular). Bittu replies on knowing the meaning of Tedha since he everyday sees her mouth which is Tedha. Daadi makes a taunt at Pankhudi’s mouth and suggests the reason for it to be not straight because she used to open the bottles directly with her mouth and was even more uglier during her adolescence days. Pankhudi gives a reply via a taunt and thinks that Daadi used to look like Katrina kaif in her teenage days. Daadi then asks Irfan why is he not marrying ? He informs that there is some more for it. Pankhudi is also there and speaks that there is opportunity and a routine (Routine is dastoor in urdu and at first she speaks Dast and Bittu corrects her) and wants to have Irfan’s Swamvyar. Daadi speaks that she will choose the girl for him, and Pankhudi also wants to choose the girl as well. Daadi and Pankhudi chose two respective girls from the audience. They will compete to become Irfan’s bride for his swamvyar. Pankhudi speaks that the girl she chose wakes up at 4:00 am and Daadi replies that Irfan’s needs a bride and not a rooster bringing laughter.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Daadi, Irfan, Yusuf in a humorous discussion

Daadi speaks on the quality of the girl she chose and informs that she is a good singer because of presence of Saraswati. Pankhudi makes a taunt that Irfan needs a bride and not a singer like Alka Yagnik. Daadi insists the girl to sing a song and she sings – Tum Hi Ho.. Zindagi Tum Hi Ho.. Tere Bina Wajoot Mera. Tujh Se Juda Hojayega song effortlessly and that of a playback singer. Daadi takes Irfan around the girl and makes him revolve around her and dances with him. Pankhudi takes Irfan and speaks that the girl will sing a duet and then she sings the song – Teri Galliyan  while Pankhudi dances with full energy and wants Irfan to sing the duet. Pankhudi goes on to sing the same song and even dances but in rough voice and Daadi speaks that she was threatening instead of singing, Daadi then suggests that both girls will dance together and asks Yusuf whether he is Mughal -E- Azam and just watching the girls dance.  Soon after, the girls dance with Irfan on Tune Mari Entriyan song and also Daadi and Pankhudi joins them in fun. Daadi makes sure that Yusuf also dance and enjoys his time.

Pathan brothers didn’t dance much but enjoyed their time and the audience selects the Daadi’s girl as the winner and to be bride for Irfan. Pankhudi wants Irfan to say yes for her girl otherwise he has to meet her daughter Palak. Daadi informs Irfan that if he sees Palak then his believe on the institution of marriage will be gone forever. Siddhu speaks that Yusuf is enjoying a lot and Irfan is now nervous and Irfan speaks that everybody becomes quiet when the matter of marriage is discussed and Yusuf echoes the same feeling. Daadi send the girls and wants to teach how to impress young boys and then dances with Yusuf while Pankhudi dances with Irfan on the Tune Mari Entriyan song. Daadi finally offers her trademark kiss to Yusuf on his cheeks couple of times and Pankhudi on her end kisses Irfan.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Daadi showers her Shagun Ki Pappi to Yusuf

Daadi becomes annoyed with Pankhudi as she has done a kiss (papi) which belonged to her territory and right. She gets hold of Pankhudi and tries to remove her facial hairs. Sooner, both begins to fight and even goes to the seat of Siddhu and close to the audience.  Kapil thanks Pathan brothers for coming on his show and they spoke of having lots of fun as well. Kapil signs off by saying – Keep smiling because with smile brings happiness with the Chak De India movie title song playing in background. In the end, takes a selfie with pathan brothers to end the show on a happy note.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Irfan and Yusuf Pathan with all the team of CNWK

Next Episode (20th July 2014): Virat Kohli – Popular and loved Cricketer, Indian Cricket Team Vice-Captain, and Star

Image credit: Twitter pages of Colors TV and Comedy Nights With Kapil.

Full Episode Video, Irfan and Yusuf on CNWK

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