Comedy Nights With Kapil 20th July 2014, Colors with Virat Kohli – Written Update


Comedy Nights With Kapil - Virat Kohli Episode 96

Guest on the show: Virat Kohli – Popular and loved Cricketer; Indian Cricket Team Vice-Captain; Star and Heartthrob

Kapil starts the show and comes on stage with a bang with Bua and Daadi while playing the band. Bua is ecstatic and Bittu informs Siddhu that he won all the matches in his neighborhood and Daadi suggests to drink as the occasion demands it in a very happy tone. Bittu asks her what if they have lost the match, she replies of drinking even then and creates her signature Phooyi sound. Sooner, Chaddha and Pankhudi comes on stage with Ramu and dances with a band and shouts about their victory.  Bittu asks them how they can win ? Ramu replies on getting one more point than them thus victorious. Bittu replies that the match was played on their ground then Ramu if that is the case then he has brought the band people by himself so he should get double the points i.e., 20.

Bittu suggests that as he has done Bhangra first so he is victorious. Pankhudi challenges Bittu for seeing them in the evening and Daadi calls them mad and wants them to away. Daadi speaks that Virat is coming and wants Bittu to find her.   Virat is seen with Roshni and she informs him of being a big fan. She speaks of getting bowled when he is batting and he then asks what happens to her when he is fielding then her mind wants herself to become a ball so she can catch him. She suggests on standing at a hotel in bangalore for 7 hours instead of sitting because she was wearing a short dress. Virat gets call from his assistant that Kapil is asking him to come and he humorously wants him to inform Kapil that he has already left for England tour which he is doing so as to continue flirting with the girl Roshni there. Daadi then calls Virat and learns that Virat is busy and her call is disconnected. She wants Bittu to start his luna so that they can get Virat. Virat on his end learns that his assistant has disconnected the call of Daadi and becomes upset and calls Daadi as the one who is the Daadi of the entire world and if she comes there then he will face lot of problems. Bittu and Daadi comes there and meets Virat and asks Roshni to go away and not flirt with Virat. Bittu tries to flirt with Roshni but in vain. Daadi wants Virat to come on their luna but it can accommodate only 2 and thus Daadi is left to come on her own.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Daadi with Kapil on a Luna Ride

Bittu makes a grand entry on stage by coming on a luna bike with popular and loved Cricketer and Star Virat Kohli. In a lighter tone he informs the audience of not able to get Virat on CNWK since he was not taking his phone call and admits the fans request for Virat on show since many months. Kapil congratulates Virat since lakhs of girls fall for him. Siddhu calls him a hero and speaks a quote  – Naam lekar Mehboob ka Deewanon ne Aaj Mohabbat Ka Jaam Piya Hain.. Insaan Nahi Farishta Hain Woh Jo Doosrah ke liye Jiya hain.. Log to karte hain roshan apne Ghar Mein.. Virat Kohli hain jo chirag jo pura hindustan ko Roshan karte Hain.. Virat thanks Siddhu. Siddhu speaks that Virat has the potential to become the best batsman in India and also cites about his commitment by going back to Ranji trophy match in Delhi and at that time Virat’s father died. He went to his father’s funeral and then came back to the stadium and hit a century.

Kapil asks Virat whether he used to play cricket from his childhood. He speaks on playing with small bats at home which were not regular bats but items and toys for the children. Virat then speaks of joining a cricket academy at the age of 8 years because of his father as he showed him his desire to play cricket. Kapil speaks that Virat at the age of 8 years have got the knowledge that he will play cricket and from 16 years he is playing the same and speaks that until 20 years he even didn’t get a mind as well. He speaks of being afraid with his father and couldn’t speak much until 20 years. Virat speaks of Sachin Tendulkar being his idol and during the matches India plays he used to watch Sachin batting and while watching used to eat and take snacks.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Virat and Kapil having a laughter

Siddhu speaks that ladies of all ages takes a toffee before watching Virat bringing smile to all. Kapil asks Virat about sharing the dressing room with Sachin for the first time. Virat replies that he got the first break in a series when Sachin was rested and then later in the series Sachin was also going to play. The team members suggested Virat to touch the feet of Sachin as that was the tradition of a newcomer. Virat who just joined the team thought that he has to follow it and went to Sachin and was standing with him. He then learnt from Sachin that the boys were just teasing him and no need to touch the feet. He speaks of becoming nervous after seeing Sachin. Kapil calls Mr. Dhoni as Mr. Cool and speaks that Virat is hot-blooded on the other end and then asks Virat whether Dhoni’s beard hair is turning white since he manages Virat’s aggressive attitude. Virat replies that he is not the reason for it and cites that captaincy is a stressful job and Kapil speaks that it was a joke.

Kapil speaks that Virat figured in one of the ten best international men for fashion sense and asks him whether he wants to impress people who are not cricket fans. Virat speaks of having a bad fashion sense during his childhood days and used to wear silver colored jackets. Kapil speaks that he is very fast and then suggests that in Cricket. He later speaks that Virat made the fastest 1000, 3000, 6000 runs and it is obvious that he also made his first girlfriend very fast as well. Virat speaks on making the first girlfriend very slow and then the other ones were.. Kapil asks Virat whether he and Sehway knows the format of the game 20/20 and ODI’s while playing as he plays very fast. Kapil asks him about receiving a fan when he got afraid instead of joy. Virat speaks of encountering a man from Afghanistan who was sent away and didn’t allow to meet them by security. That man hold his hand and insisted for a photograph in a big voice. Kapil speaks about Virat’s english is the best and in parties he takes away all the opportunities referring to his chance dates with girls he meets at the party.

Daadi comes there on the bang and gets a chant Daadi Daadi from audience. She scolds Virat for not listening to her since 3 months and didn’t come to see her. She then wants a pass from Virat for the next match.  Virat asks her which stand ? Daadi replies that she wants a pass to stay and watch in front of the umpire on the cricket pitch since she has a poor eye sight. Bittu speaks that her entire eyesight will go away when the ball hits her. Virat speaks that she should not kiss him. She speaks of loving him since his childhood and then looks at his hand and compliments that it is broad and well built. She then asks Virat why Ashish Nehra is thin and whether there is a dairy farm in front of his home invoking laughter. Daadi taunts Bittu that he never did any work even after eating lot of curd, sugar and food. Bittu replies that Virat’s mother gave him a few teaspoon of curd and sugar which is considered auspicious for the exams and on his end Daadi has given him 1.5 kgs of Curd and sugar for eating. And at the exam centre, he went there after eating so much and has puked it on the exam paper resulting in messing up his exam and other people’s exam as well.

Daadi feels happy to know that Virat has went to Spain for watching the football world cup final. Bittu informs Daadi that the world cup was in Brazil and not Spain. She then suggests that for others the world cup was in Brazil but for Virat the final was in Spain [Referring to Virat’s visiting Anushka in Spain, she is shooting in Spain for her upcoming movie]. Virat becomes shy after hearing Daadi’s words and wants to hid behind her. She wants him to suggest a shampoo for her and then speaks about a major universal problem of emitting gas from her body. He asks Virat whether it happens to him as well and cites that of course virat will also faced the problem since he is human and also at the stadium when he gets one he will emit it and nobody will hear the sound on TV bringing laughter. She wants the treatment for gas problems from Virat and before leaving wants to tell about her secret. Daadi speaks that she is also a party animal like him and her waist moves very well and thus dance is much needed since they also won the match as well. Daadi and Virat dance on the Gandi Baat song and uses Daadi’s signature dance steps as well and at the end of the dance Daadi fall down as Virat didn’t hold her properly. Daadi gets the shocker and speaks of Virat’s getting punishment and asks the audience about it. She then kisses on Virat’s cheek and calls it as the batting pitch and leaves from there. Bittu speaks that even if Chris Gayle comes then also Daadi will kiss him as well.

Bittu asks Virat about many talents apart from acting as seen in commercial Ads, and suggests that Virat is also a good mimicry artist. Virat first mimics Ishant Sharma the bowler and speaks of him asking for the bowl, mimics Yuvi’s expression before his health issues where he only show some signs with hands and didn’t speak. Virat speaks of loving a dialogue of Anil Kapoor where he was telling the goons – Arey tere ghar mein Maa Behen Nahi Hain kya Bhootni Ke (the goons were teasing his love interest portrayed by Madhuri in that movie) bringing laughter. Mrs. Bittu Sharma comes on stage and welcomes Virat and asks him how is he doing?  He speaks on feeling happy after seeing her. Manju makes a taunt that Bittu doesn’t know the spelling of Etiquette and he responds of not knowing even the spelling of wife but has brought her home. She asks Virat on his different liking  and he replies of his liking for cars, shopping, clothes, watching comedy nights,. She asks him whether he likes Cooking and then asks him on his honeymoon destination in future. Bittu speaks of Manju’s honeymoon destination which is a Zoo in Nasik.

She then makes a taunt and informs Bittu that he took her to a mental asylum in Agra. Bittu makes his taunt more specific and suggests that at the zoo in Nasik, Manju was feeling elated after seeing a Chimpanzee and he was feeling happy after seeing her in that mood bringing laughter on Virat’s and audience face. Virat speaks that he is just 26 and she is asking him about honeymoon. Bittu speaks that Mrs. Sharma (Manju) is 28 years and she then asks him why did he informed about her age in public. She informs Bittu of asking questions to Virat because she plans to get Virat arranged to her younger sister. Bittu makes a taunt that because her sister’s face looks like Robin Utthappa that doesn’t mean Virat becomes her gardener making Virat have a laugh riot. She speaks of her sister being very qualified and Bittu suggests that she stays in all the college even if it is closed. She speaks about her sister Tina and he replies that Tina’s engagement is broken recently since she was seen in a circus dressed as a joker and giving banana to monkeys. Even her brother suggested what’s wrong if Tina carries a tomato on her nose.  Bittu makes fun of Manju’s sister and suggests to Virat that she is interested in Virat because her father wants his daughter to marry a sportsperson. Bittu makes another joke on her father and she leaves from there.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Virat with Manju

Kapil opens the floor to the audience and a girl speaks that Virat’s pet name is Cheeku and Cheeku is her favorite fruit and she loves it a lot. Siddhu wants her to test if Virat is raw or ripened. She then asks whether Virat sir is according to his name – tasty or Yummy. Kapil asks Virat how did he got the name Cheeku. He speaks that people came to know from stump mics when Dhoni used to call him Cheeku on the cricket pitch and that caught the attention of people. He then speaks of his under-17 coach Ajit Chaudhry in Delhi and at that time he was fat and his hairs were falling at that time as well. Someone suggested him to cut his hairs short and apply hair oil so as to strengthen it. He did the hair cutting and went to the training and cites that at that time Champak Comics used to sell and a pivotal character was named Cheeku and he has big ears and the people used to call him Cheeku the Rabbit from 2007. Audience member asks Virat to show some dance moves  and then the audience member and his family comes on stage and dances on the Chamak Challo song all at once. Virat then dances with the audience members on the song – Oh Oh.. Ishq Di Galli and have nice time. Next, audience girl Nisha couldn’t utter first and she heard once that Virat sang a song while kneeling down on the Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hain and cites that he did for Sachin and wants an opportunity to dance with him.

She comes on stage and Virat sings the song – Tujh Mein Rab Diikhat Hain song and goes on to his kneels and hugs her. Kapil calls him multi-talented star and Virat speaks of singing the song for Sachin after winning the world cup. At the hotel there, Yuvi, Harbhajan and himself has sang it while kneeling down. A girl from Borivili asks Virat whether he looks to eat Pakodas or prefer gym on a rainy day. Kapil asks her name and she informs Anushka and then Kapil calls himself Sharma. He thinks that the girl asked a boring question and asks – what do you mean babe ? to her. Virat speaks of taking care of his fitness and he is disciplined about it. Kapil shows some pictures on the giant screen where Virat is showing Babaji Ka Thullu at a colleague and he informs Kapil that the entire team watches Comedy Nights and has lots of craze about the show. Virat speaks of watching comedy nights at the airport lounge in Sri lanka. The next pic shows the marriage proposal from England’s women’s team cricketer – Danielle Wyatt who had sent her proposal to marry Virat with her tweet on twitter.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Virat showing a Babaji Ka Thullu moment

Virat informs that he learnt about the proposal when he was playing T20 Semi-final match at the World cup in Bangladesh and he didn’t got  a chance to ponder over it since his mother has already gave an interview citing that her son haven’t reached yet the age of marriage. Kapil speaks that today we have seen different facets of Virat and earlier we knew that he has an aggressive attitude on pitch. He calls him sweet and emotional. Kapil then goes on to ask Virat some questions about his team members. He first asks who feels hungry the most in the team ? Virat replies Ishant Sharma and Kapil speaks that he is confused since Ishant is thin. Second question, the one who couldn’t keep anything inside ? Virat speaks that there are no one in Indian team who goes on to spill the beans but in his bangalore team (Royal Challengers Bangalore) he finds Parthiv Patel to always spill out the beans and cannot keep anything inside since he is very small. Third question, Who runs away from the girls ? Virat replies that is Cheteshwar Pujara, and calls him the most innocent and holier person. Kapil speaks that he is acting according to his name Pujara. Virat suggests that Pujara is very focused, and does five times prayers a day and even his wife name is Puja. Fourth question, who is the one who blabbers a lot (Pheku) ? Virat speaks that is Ravindra Jadeja the one from Jamnagar and is pessimistic about the growth in his city and calls him a Pheku.

Fifth question,  Who is the laziest of the lot ? Virat replies Mohammed Shami and speaks that when he goes to have a massage by the Indian Cricket team’s massage therapist he sleeps there for more than 3 hours and forgets that he came there for massage. Sixth Question, Who sleeps the most ? Virat replies Rohit Sharma and also he is the one who can sleep anywhere and also even sleeping on time he wakes up late. Last question, Who is the one whom the girls falls the most ? The audience chants Virat Virat bringing smile on Virat’s face. Sooner. Bua comes there and calls Bittu and finds Virat and feels ecstatic. She speaks of getting dreams of Virat in her dreams. Bittu speaks that she is old and her eyebrows were becoming white which shows her age before Virat’s birth. She wants to speak on a serious topic and cites on opening an NEGO and Bittu speaks it is NGO and asks her the fullform and its purpose. She replies Non Greedy Oartaein (Non Greedy Women). She speaks some women cannot play sports because lack of financial help. She asks him whether he will help her NGO. Virat replies on doing the good things, and then Bua makes an announcement that Virat will provide financial support amounting to 5 Crores INR bringing laughter.

Comedy Nights With Kapil, Virat and Bua in an engaging and humorous mood

Virat humorously asks whether the door is locked since he feels to run away. He asks her when he has told about giving 5 crores and suggests that he cannot give such amount and asks what else he can do for her NGO. She speaks that her NGO makes products and wants him to do an commercial Ad instead. She then takes out  a lipstick from her purse and wants Virat to do the commercial for her. She raises the question that men have lips too and also he has a large fan following among girls and if he does the Ad then she will have a good business. She speaks the dialogue of the AD  which Virat needs to speak as well later. The dialogue suggests – Main Pehle Ladkiyon Ko Bilkul Pasand Nahi Karta Tha.. (Before I used to not like girls)..  Virat holds the lipstick in his hand and speaks the same dialogue and shows Oomph in the Tha word. Bua speaks the next dialogue which is – Jab Se Pinky lipstick market mein Aaye Hain.. Ladkiyon Ka Deewana Hogaya Hoon.. He then speaks the same dialogue though at first forgets but at the end does well with same charm and fun. The third dialogue is – Jo Bhi Ladkhi Pinky lipstick Lagati Hain Woh Mujhe Sabse Zyada Pasand Aati Hain and holds the lipstick close to his lips and Bua teaches him by moving her chest a bit and Virat does the same bringing much laughter. Next dialogue, Kharidiya Kharidiya Pinky Lipstick and go with him one time on a date. Virat enacts the dialogue in funny manner. Bua’s speaks the final dialogue – Jo lipstick ko kharide uska acha Aur Jo Ise Nahi Kharide Uska Satyanash. Virat adds more to the dialogue and suggests that whoever doesn’t buy will have their lips burn in Summer.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Virat selling Pinky Bua's pink lipstick in funny way

Bua speaks of being very happy so she is speaking so many things without any control. Ramu comes there on stage and calls him a big businessman and no shortage of money and speaks that he has a pakoda shop in Dubai but  a cricketer at heart. He then shows a Pakoda for Virat and suggests that a gold coin will come from it as well. He speaks on his father a big sportsperson and Bittu makes a taunt at his father that he used to play hitting at dogs and cats. Ramu speaks that was a game as well and informs Virat of having a match of Gilli Danda with Bittu where Bittu was involved in unfair activities. When Ramu makes a taunt at Bittu’s grandfather Daada and calls him to be in coma and sooner then Daadi comes there and asks him how can he stab them after getting food and living from them. Ramu taunts on Bittu’s family and then Chaddha comes on stage while calling cheating is taking place. Bua and Daadi is also on stage and when Bua informs that the cheating thing is of the past and stale. He informs her that is fine and he will then speak about their family’s meanness. He calls Dolly Daadi very mean and cites that she took a Roti from a crow after a deceit. Bittu speaks that Chaddha even doesn’t know how to brush and has no energy. Pankhudi comes there and introduces herself and Bittu wants her to speak good things about his family. On the contrary, she calls Bittu’s family as top-level mean, liar, cheat, and having deceit. There are some more qualities but words are not there to describe them. Bittu calls her a liar thereafter. Chaddha speaks how bittu’s family takes the roti from the home of rats as they know of the guarantee to get food there on time invoking a laughter. Bittu speaks of not engaging in a talk with him because of the seniority but anyway can break his mouth with a puch. Pankhudi speaks that they have done cheating and bittu in turn wants pankhudi to clean her mouth with acid to correct the voice.

Pankhudi and Daadi begins to fight but is mediated by Virat to not fight.  Pankhudi speaks that a game was set between them and was told about football. Then, Bittu’s family came with hockey instead of football and wanted to play hockey with football. Daadi calls Hockey the national game and makes a taunt at her. Sooner, Pankhudi was sent away by showing her Samosas by Bittu and because of lust she went away and in the meanwhile Bittu’s family scored a goal and won the match. Pankhudi speaks that they were cheated and Bittu wanted a fight. Virat suggests them to play a game instead as he is a sportsperson and he will be the judge. The first game involves one going into the rice cloth rack and Bua wins it by deceit by pampering Ramu with sweet words. Second game is to keep the lemon on top of a spoon and walk, Chaddha couldn’t do it and Bittu wins. Bittu’s family leads 2-0 and Virat speaks of the final game and whoever wins is the winner. Virat then puts a handkerchief on the floor there and speaks that the winner will be the one who takes it first. Both Pankhudi and Daadi begins their quest to take it first and soon both of them gets hold of the handkerchief and it turns out that there were 2 handkerchiefs. After getting one each, they were still not satisfied and begins to have a cat fight as they do always and is so aggressive and humorous that they again fall on Virat’s lap. With Virat on Comedy nights, a laughter riot happenned and Virat thanks the audience for their love and Kapil speaks that the entire country is proud and wants him to reach more great heights and success.

Comedy Nights With Kapil - Virat on CNWK with Daadi

Additional Info:

* On 4th April 2014 after Virat hit a winning knock of 74 runs against South Africa to take India to the final of T20 World Cup in Bangladesh, English and Notts Cricketer Danielle Wyatt wrote a tweet asking Virat to marry her.

– This was her follow-up message to one of the Tweeple’s message

* Twitter page of Virat

* Twitter page of Danielle Wyatt [You can go it from the embedded Tweet as well]

Image credit: Twitter page of Colors TV and Comedy Nights with Kapil.

Full Episode Video: 20th July, Virat on CNWK