Comedy Nights with Kapil 19th April 2014 on Colors – Written Update


Comedy Nights With Kapil

Guest on the show: Gurdas Maan – Indian singer, songwriter, choreographer and well known actor.
Also, Rahul Mahajan and Rajiv Thakur participated on the show.


Theme: Elections Special

Bittu’s brother Sittu comes in and welcomes Siddhu. He says that he came to ask for a vote and became a politician as goons are not making any profits in business.

He cracks a joke on his name Sittu citing his visit to a police station. He also wants to be a goon but says the destination is written instead of destiny and makes a laugh between destiny vs. destination. He tells there is one problem if you steal from temple that is – size of the shoes..

Sittu asks Audience: What kind of problem you have ?
Audience: He wanted to be a sportsperson but became a Chartered Accountant (CA)
Sittu asks: Why you want to play? Virat kohli is already there ?
The audience name is Gouri…Sittu then cracks a joke on his name -Gouri vs. Gori

Audience speaks:
– He cannot join in an army and that’s why he is working at a call centre ? Also ask Sittu how to make body, tips ?

Audience speaks:

He wanted to become singer.. But it never happenned.. He is an executive employee in a firm. He never gave audition for singing and kapil says that’s the reason he didn’t got a chance… The friend of the executive is an export operations head in a transport company, and says that he wanted to become a dancer..The executive wants to sing in Kapil’s show and then sings the song – Hum Tere Bin Ab rahe nahi sakte…from the movie – Aashiqui 2 and gets applause and encouragement from the audience.

Audience speaks: What he can do for the people ? Who will be the next PM according to Sittu?
Sittu: Gives an unconventional answer and suggesting to make tea when weather is hot.

Sittu declares himself to be standing in the election..

At this moment, Daadi comes in and speaks with Sittu..She asks him, How did he came to see her ?.. He says he came to see Daadi as he was remembering her. Daadi says that point is false. Daadi also compares the goat and bua equally.

Sittu tells good things about the goat..Sittu says his party name is Sabe (Apple) Aadmi party and corruption is only slogan for decoration purpose. Daadi tells him not to bring disrepute to their family.. Daadi tells about his ancestors who fought against the British. Daadi asks Sittu what he will do for her ?.. he says he will construct a dry concrete road for her. She asks him what he will do for the people? He says that he will construct a house within 1 month from people’s money pointing to corruption to build house for himself.

Raju comes in and welcomes Sittu..He tells Sittu to take him for his election campaign and offers his help. Sittu threatens him with a bullet and tells that his business needs strong people..Raju suggests to distribute blankets, ice with alcohol as a voting strategy to attract voters. Then, Bua comes in and says to Sittu that she knows that he is standing in Elections from a neighbor who never told anything before.. Sittu asks her about election commission, she responds with flat commission that is obtained when you sell a flat. He says that a public officer is coming to assess his (Sittu’s) character and they need to say nice things of him to the officer.. Bua agrees after Sittu’s gives her money as bribe.

Paresh comes in donning the role of a public election officer. Paresh says he will make an inquiry and then will give a ticket if Sittu succeeds. Sittu and Bua doesn’t understand what’s an inquiry is. Bua tells that Sittu is a big krantikari..Raju also tells good things about Sittu – like Sittu sleeping with the beggars.. Sittu requests him to take tea and then start to threaten him indirectly. The officer asks for the character certificate for which Sittu responds that his principal didn’t give him and also the principal have a bad character..

Sittu says that with Russia he has an air travel connection, with thailand – a massaging connection. The officer asks him – What he will do for women ? Sittu responds that he will go to the gym as women like toned bodies, What he will do for old people ? Sittu responds Prayers for their life.. What he will do to children ? Marriage and then family planning. The officer asks him whether he did any crime in his life ? After this Sittu thrashes the officer and takes out his gun. He asks him to give him the ticket and then finds out the prank about the ticket as the officer gave him a railway platform ticket instead of an election ticket. The officer – Paresh discloses the prank and says that his promise that he gave to his friends of drinking tea at Bittu (Sharma’s) residence is fulfilled.

Vote for Kapil

Then, Raju goes to print the poster for Sittu’s election campaign.. Sittu comes again and tells about Paresh (Gupta’s) prank. He says that he went to a birthday party to get ticket but was a futile attempt, and now he is fighting elections with a door to door campaign along with selling soap. Sittu tells about a unique voter attracting strategy- Murqa-palak to consider both vegetarian and non-veg voters. Another idea is for voting symbol – Bhendi (ladies finger) since this vegetable being the cheapest.. Sittu says how he is always selected at the school, neighborhood, and many places for his petty offences.. He says he can win elections as he has lot of punches and can deliver when needed ..

Sittu asks Audience- What things need to be implemented so the country can benefit immensely ?
Audience: Population control and when Bittu asked about his children, the audience responds that he has 3 children..

Audience speaks:
– Inflation and corruption should be lessen down to benefit the country and thinks Petrol as the most expensive thing though he doesn’t have a car. Also, says that food items should be cheap as well…

Raju comes back and says that he has pasted all posters near the public toilets.. He shows Sittu the poster where it is written that Sittu has expired due to a heart attack.. Sittu becomes angry on hearing this for which Raju says that this poster is much cheaper and also they will get public sympathy with that statement on the poster. Sittu says his slogan should be – Tum mujhe vote diyo (You give me your vote) and I will give you pain; or You give me your vote, I will give you Akhrot (walnuts). Raju says that they need to prepare a good slogan.. Sittu says that they will place booths near the railway station and also the Paan shop so that people don’t need to go far. Raju says that they should also work to get financial benefit from the election.. Sittu says that Deepika padukone’s poster is not made by Raju though he told him to make a small one accompanying Sittu’s poster.

Bittu with Raju

Daadi comes in with a slogan- Ab ki baar Sittu Sarkar on a rickshaw..A fan of Sittu (Rahul Mahajan) comes to support Sittu and then Rahul Mahajan the fan dances on the song – Tere dolen sone di.. Sittu says that Rahul will be barred for 5 years from Jhalak Dikhlaja ka if he dances like this.. Rahul – the fan says that he is also supporting Chaddha the competitor of Sittu..Rahul Mahajan then runs away. Daadi says that only the true person will win the election and Sittu is that only true one..She asks for a Mukhya (leader) position for herself if he wins. Sittu talks about US cities like Houston,Washington DC.. and says that Obama won because of his campaign in multiple cities and offering benefits to those cities.. Daadi suggests him to mix his voting slogan with a Honey singh rap. Sittu then sings the honey singh song – Yo Yo Sittu singh….

Sooner, Chaddha and Lala comes in who are also campaigning for elections and Lala introduces Chaddha as the young and vibrant leader..Sittu responds to this illogical claim of Lala and compares himself to a child.. Chadda says that he is a young person like Sittu and there is no difference..Daadi and Sittu cracks a joke on Chadda’s age.. Daadi says that Sittu fulfills the promises of other people..Chaddha says that if he wins he will open a school in 5 years and there will be vikaas.. Sittu says that in 9 months he will get a Vikaas (son) and even a daughter..Chaddha saya that if he wins he will open pubs for him.. After hearing about Pubs, Daadi wants Sittu to work with Chaddha and they can share the seat..

Then, people come chanting slogans – Zindabad..Zindabad (victory).. People says that they’ve already won elections and Sittu becomes surprise and says that people need to be active and be aware of elections – schedule and dates. Daadi says what they will do now, Sittu says that they will dance on the Havan Karenge song from the movie – Bhaag Milka Bhaag

Kapil (Bittu) welcomes the guest on the show without an introduction – Gurdas Maan comes in by singing a song – Dil Ka Maamla Hai..Maan saab says that music is a charisma from God. Bittu asks him – every generation loves him? He says that by spreading love, you get love..

Kapil asks – you travel so many times abroad, asking him to share his experience abroad ?
Maan Sab: shares an experience of visiting Canada and going to a Saloon and how he was taken care by the lady there..

Bittu’s wife (Sumona) comes in and welcomes Maan sab. Sumona speaks punjabi with Maan Saab to impress Sittu. Sittu says to her to not speak punjabi again..They both enact petty fight in front of Maan sab..

Mangu chacha (Bittu wife’s paternal uncle-played by Rajiv Thakur) comes in wearing a short and she welcomes him. Bittu crack jokes on chacha’s clothes..Chacha welcomes Mann saab and Bittu crack jokes on the chacha. He reminds of chacha’s act during Bittu’s marriage where chacha stole Bittu’s marriage horse. Bittu suggests to chacha to go inside.. After that chacha leaves as Bittu was going to call police..

Kapil asks Maan saab: That he is a big fan of Maan saab’s movie – Shaheed -E- Mohabbat.. Punjabi films have a common word in their title -Jat like Jat and Juliet, Why he choose the name of his movie – Dil vil Pyaar vyaar sans the Jat word ?
Mann Saab: says that his film has all the entertainment quotient..

Kapil: Are there any more collaboration with Pak singers?
Maan Saab: Responds affirmatively..

Audience asks questions to Maan Saab:
– A fan from Canada comes with his fiance who is spanish and she is learning Punjabi..He wants to take suggestion from Maan saab on how to live a good and stable life with his soon-to be wife ?
Kapil: says that do not learn english..
Maan Saab: Sings a song.. Sajne we naiyoo song..

The spanish fiance says Sasriyakaal.. She says, Maan sab – Main tumhari fan hoon. She says – I love punjabi music..Kapil says that she is looking beautiful in a punjabi suit and then she says her favorite dialogue is Babaji Ka Thulla. Kapil thanks them for coming..

Audience: Kripa Shankar From UP, he wishes to dance with Maan Saab..
They dance on the song – Kamli Yaar ki Kamli and both of them have a nice time..

Bua comes in the song Sona we shav sona and dances. She says to Bittu that she is beautiful from childhood and then flirts with Maan Saab and poses with him on a Titanic pose bringing laughter..She says that for good things like marriage they need to do it fast.. Maan saab sings a song – mamla gadbad hain..Hasla Nachle Tera Naino.. song..He says that if you love somebody then you don’t need to see the face. She puts a ring on Maan Saab’s hand and feels very happy. and then she leaves..Kapil thanks Maan saab for coming on the show. Maan saab’s movie – Dil Vil Pyaar Vyaar releases on 2nd May 2014 and the show ended on a happy note with Bittu’s family and Maan saab dancing on a punjabi song..

Images credit: Twitter page of Colors TV

Full Episode Video:
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  1. Sir very nice show…keep gng..
    Sir a suggestion for u..that pls once bring siddhu sir’s family to the show I thnk it will be a grt show…hope u like my suggestion nd want to come to your show once…so please sir…


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